1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5. Do you think illiterate people get the full affect of alphabet soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody,but I should have been more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the walls.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
FOR MY DAUGHTERS
It seems like only days ago
a stranger walked into my life...
little eyes filled with fear and doubt;
afraid to meet their father's "husband".
But then, to both of our surprise,
the walls just seemed to melt away...
Replaced by deepening bonds of trust
and love that brightened each new day.
The time we spent together seemed
to fly away so rapidly,
Now you a mom and I a papa
And since that time I've often thought
and wished you mine so selfishly,
And dreamed the dreams most fathers do
that slip beyond reality.
For you have truly graced my life
as gently as the light of dawn.
And so your shadow will always be
in this place
If I could give you just one thing
to help you through the maze of years-
To find the path that suits you best
and keep you safe from hurts and fears-
It would be this...and this I'll say,
"In years to come, I hope you see
To take as yours the smallest bit
of all the joy you've given me."
For richness lies within the heart,
As true gifts do upon this earth...
So hold them dear, as I do you -
As if you'd been my own, from birth...
a stranger walked into my life...
little eyes filled with fear and doubt;
afraid to meet their father's "husband".
But then, to both of our surprise,
the walls just seemed to melt away...
Replaced by deepening bonds of trust
and love that brightened each new day.
The time we spent together seemed
to fly away so rapidly,
Now you a mom and I a papa
And since that time I've often thought
and wished you mine so selfishly,
And dreamed the dreams most fathers do
that slip beyond reality.
For you have truly graced my life
as gently as the light of dawn.
And so your shadow will always be
in this place
If I could give you just one thing
to help you through the maze of years-
To find the path that suits you best
and keep you safe from hurts and fears-
It would be this...and this I'll say,
"In years to come, I hope you see
To take as yours the smallest bit
of all the joy you've given me."
For richness lies within the heart,
As true gifts do upon this earth...
So hold them dear, as I do you -
As if you'd been my own, from birth...
Friday, January 23, 2009
ANOTHER TERM
Hello all. Sorry that I have not written for a few weeks but I have been pretty busy with work and writing. I started another class at the local college and am taking Algebra. Looks like I have a pretty good instructor and I may actually pass it this time. That is as long as we don't get hit with another Hurricane.
Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and let you know I am still here. I have to go to some homework. Check back next week. I am writing about bullies in school. It should be pretty interesting.
Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and let you know I am still here. I have to go to some homework. Check back next week. I am writing about bullies in school. It should be pretty interesting.
Friday, December 26, 2008
2009 FREE WRITING PREDICTIONS
The end of 2008 will show the beginning of the collapse of Mankind as we know it starting in the Middle East. As Revelations says, “there will be wars and rumors of wars”. The battle will begin in small scale in the Gaza Strip, the Valley of Armageddon.
By the end of 2008 approximately 1000 people will parish in the beginning conflict. The conflict will grow in the area and will continue to grow in a global scale which will escalate to nuclear use of weapons between three of the four corners of the world to include China, Russia and the United States.
During this time the world economy will continue to collapse with a period of time where, as usual, humans will become complacent and feel that they will be fine when they will not. Food will become short and society will fight for food.
By 2012 1/3rd of the human race will pass from this world due to disease and starvation. Also, the Earth will continue in its cycle in taking back what is hers in the display of major storms, earthquakes and volcanoes in areas that have not been touch since the beginning of written and or verbal history.
What the Bible calls the “Anti-Christ” will come to power and all will follow without question. Religion will begin to coagulate into one in 2009 and 2010 along with a one world government due to world events.
There will be in increase in severe storms across the globe. An increase in earthquakes will be seen across all countries and signs will lead to a MegaValcano eruption between now and 2012.
Increase in polar ice melting leading to loss of coastal land along the east coast and the gulf of Mexico.
Beginning of the end of the 26,000 year cycle and a possible shift in the polar fields or weakening of the earths magnetic field causing increased events.
Continuation of this writing will continue as I free write…
By the end of 2008 approximately 1000 people will parish in the beginning conflict. The conflict will grow in the area and will continue to grow in a global scale which will escalate to nuclear use of weapons between three of the four corners of the world to include China, Russia and the United States.
During this time the world economy will continue to collapse with a period of time where, as usual, humans will become complacent and feel that they will be fine when they will not. Food will become short and society will fight for food.
By 2012 1/3rd of the human race will pass from this world due to disease and starvation. Also, the Earth will continue in its cycle in taking back what is hers in the display of major storms, earthquakes and volcanoes in areas that have not been touch since the beginning of written and or verbal history.
What the Bible calls the “Anti-Christ” will come to power and all will follow without question. Religion will begin to coagulate into one in 2009 and 2010 along with a one world government due to world events.
There will be in increase in severe storms across the globe. An increase in earthquakes will be seen across all countries and signs will lead to a MegaValcano eruption between now and 2012.
Increase in polar ice melting leading to loss of coastal land along the east coast and the gulf of Mexico.
Beginning of the end of the 26,000 year cycle and a possible shift in the polar fields or weakening of the earths magnetic field causing increased events.
Continuation of this writing will continue as I free write…
A CHRISTMAS EPIPHANY
Every Christmas I enjoy seeing my children get the things that they have wanted all year. My wife and I strive to give them everything that they want. I guess you can say that they are spoiled.
This year something happened that will probably stick with me way into my next life.
My family and I got up early to see what Santa had brought us and we began opening presents. There was the typical, "Cool...Thanks...I love it...you did not have to do that".
Towards the end my youngest son gave me a box that was wrapped more in tape than wrapping paper. I swear it took me 30 minutes to get to the box. I opened it up and found a pocket watch with an engraving of a Bass fish. I looked over at him and his eyes were the clearest and most loving that I have ever seen or maybe they have always been like that but never took the time to slow down and notice.
I gave him a hug and he hugged back but this time we did not let go. I could feel that he was proud of his gift to me and I was just as proud to have received it from him.
At that moment I had an epiphany in that this was what Christmas was and should really be about and that we have forgotten that it is not the gifts that we give or receive. It is the Love and the memories that we make with each other that go way beyond the life of the gift.
You can take everything from me and I will always have the memories and when I relive the memories I will feel the warm emotions of them each and every time. That is the true gift. Ourselves!!!
This watch that my son gave me will go with me every where and he will know what it means to me. Not the watch per say but what it stands for and what it means to me that it came from him and for the lesson he gave me that morning.
We all should do what we can to share ourselves daily in this way. If we did we would probably live in a better world. Each day is indeed a gift and a chance to make lasting memories.
The watch, because of the significance to me and the meaning it holds for me, will go back to my son when it is time for me to leave this earth. Without knowing it he has given our family an heirloom that I hope will continue to pass on the Christmas Epiphany.
I love you Jacob my son. You are always in my heart and my pocket...
This year something happened that will probably stick with me way into my next life.
My family and I got up early to see what Santa had brought us and we began opening presents. There was the typical, "Cool...Thanks...I love it...you did not have to do that".
Towards the end my youngest son gave me a box that was wrapped more in tape than wrapping paper. I swear it took me 30 minutes to get to the box. I opened it up and found a pocket watch with an engraving of a Bass fish. I looked over at him and his eyes were the clearest and most loving that I have ever seen or maybe they have always been like that but never took the time to slow down and notice.
I gave him a hug and he hugged back but this time we did not let go. I could feel that he was proud of his gift to me and I was just as proud to have received it from him.
At that moment I had an epiphany in that this was what Christmas was and should really be about and that we have forgotten that it is not the gifts that we give or receive. It is the Love and the memories that we make with each other that go way beyond the life of the gift.
You can take everything from me and I will always have the memories and when I relive the memories I will feel the warm emotions of them each and every time. That is the true gift. Ourselves!!!
This watch that my son gave me will go with me every where and he will know what it means to me. Not the watch per say but what it stands for and what it means to me that it came from him and for the lesson he gave me that morning.
We all should do what we can to share ourselves daily in this way. If we did we would probably live in a better world. Each day is indeed a gift and a chance to make lasting memories.
The watch, because of the significance to me and the meaning it holds for me, will go back to my son when it is time for me to leave this earth. Without knowing it he has given our family an heirloom that I hope will continue to pass on the Christmas Epiphany.
I love you Jacob my son. You are always in my heart and my pocket...
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