FREE WRITING...

When I'm not there... do you think of me? When you're sad and something's bothering you... do you wish I were there to help comfort you? When you've had a long hard day... do you smile knowing that soon you'll be seeing me, and everything will seem better, even if it's just for a moment? When you lay down at night... do you look back and cherish the new memories you've made with me? And when you get up in the morning, does everything inside of you smile, knowing that this will be another day that we'll be together, because that's how I think of you...

I don’t know why you can’t hear this in person or why you think it’s mushy or stupid but here goes…It's YOU. You mean everything to me... you are the first thought in my head in the morning when I wake up; my last thought before I go to bed. You smile at me in my dreams... when you are sad, I feel sad, and when I see your true smile, I feel incredible, like there is no other thing around and all I can see is you.

While you sleep I tell you goodnight with tears in my eyes and whisper that I love you as not to wake you up but still hoping you may hear me some how, although I am next to you I wish we were curled up by side by side holding each other, it never comes…Time passes, But not fast enough, I try to be strong. But I'm not that tough, when I again feel your embrace it will be all right, but my heart aches for you on this lonely night.

What I have with her is worth it. It is worth every lonely night, every tear I cry from missing her, and the pain I feel from not having her close even though she is here with me. It is worth it because he is my one and only. When I picture myself years from now, I see only her. No matter how painful distance can be, real or emotional, not having her in my life would be worse.

Late at night when the entire world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you and watch you as you take in breath. And I wish on a star that somewhere in your dreams that you were thinking of me and watching me and loving me too…

The worst feeling of being alone is when you’re alone with the one that you love in your presence.  No looks, no touches, no smile...I will continue to look out of the corner of my eye when she is not looking.  I will continue to tear up when she is not looking.  I will continue to say I love you, I will continue to hug her…I will just continue…if that is all that I am allowed to do…