Life According to James

My oldest son that lives in Nevada has posted a blog. I hope you all check it out. It is the sweetest thing that he has ever done. I love you James. Here is the link:http://lilray52.blogspot.com/

Promise to Myself and to God...and the Dead Sea Scrolls

This year when the new year hit I found myself reading the Bible. I am not really sure why, but I have noticed that I have been feeling better since I started. I have realized that as I read I am reading between the lines. I am understanding what is really being said. That feels good in so many ways. I have always been in tune with life and spiritually but now that I am reading the bible it puts a face to what I feel to a point. I still believe that the Bible is just part of the whole story.

The Catholic Church has admitting to leaving many books out of the Bible to get followers to believe what they wanted. You also have the Dead Sea Scrolls. The scrolls were discovered by young Bedouin shepherds searching for a stray goat in the Judean Desert, entered a long-untouched cave and found jars filled with ancient scrolls.

That initial discovery by the Bedouins yielded seven scrolls and began a search that lasted nearly a decade and eventually produced thousands of scroll fragments from eleven caves. During those same years, archaeologists searching for a habitation close to the caves that might help identify the people who deposited the scrolls, excavated the Qumran ruin, a complex of structures located on a barren terrace between the cliffs where the caves are found and the Dead Sea. Within a fairly short time after their discovery, historical, paleographic, and linguistic evidence, as well as carbon-14 dating, established that the scrolls and the Qumran ruin dated from the third century B.C.E. to 68 C.E. They were indeed ancient! Coming from the late Second Temple Period, a time when Jesus of Nazareth lived, they are older than any other surviving biblical manuscripts by almost one thousand years.

Since their discovery nearly half a century ago, the scrolls and the identity of the nearby settlement have been the object of great scholarly and public interest, as well as heated debate and controversy. Why were the scrolls hidden in the caves? Who placed them there? Who lived in Qumran? Were its inhabitants responsible for the scrolls and their presence in the caves? Of what significance are the scrolls to Judaism and Christianity?

This exhibition presents twelve Dead Sea Scroll fragments and archaeological artifacts courtesy of the Israel Antiquities Authority as well as supplementary materials from the Library of Congress. It is designed to retell the story of the scrolls' discovery; explore their archaeological and historical context; introduce the scrolls themselves; explore the various theories concerning the nature of the Qumran community; and examine some of the challenges facing modern researchers as they struggle to reconstruct the scrolls from the tens of thousands of fragments that remain.

THE YEAR 1987

In a previous post I spoke about my reunion. It got me thinking about my life during that time. I wish I could go back. Alas, I can't, all I can do is to remember it and cherish it with all of my heart. My Mother, Barbara, was still alive. My Dad, James was working at Champion Papers in Pasadena and not sitting in a nursing home. I was in High School at Sam Rayburn in Pasadena having the best years of my life and did not even realize it. The following posts are a time line of those years, this paragraph will be at the beginning of each:

You remember 1987. Glenn Close refused to be ignored, the Stock Market bubble burst, and the Beastie Boys fought to keep the party going. It was the year we realized what the 80's were all about - and we reveled in the excess, extravagance and bigness of it all!

Bands like Poison, Cinderella, and Motley Crue - took bad boy excess and hair styles to new heights; Oliver Stone showed us the dark side of yuppie avarice on Wall Street; and a new, upstart network called Fox introduced viewers to the hugely dysfunctional family known as the Bundy's.

In `87 sex was on our minds like never before. We flocked to the box office to see Michael Douglas learn the dangers of his Fatal Attraction; we tuned into MTV to watch Salt N' Pepa teach us how to push it (real good); and three scandalous women, Jessica Hahn, Donna Rice, and Fawn Hall, turned the worlds of news, politics, and religion on their &%!#es. And FINALLY, after two years of foreplay - Cybil Shepherd and Bruce Willis did the deed on Moonlighting.

Shepherd and Willis weren't the only dynamic duo in '87. Following in the footsteps of such cinematic greats as Redford & Newman and Martin & Lewis, The Coreys (Haim and Feldman) began their legendary film collaboration by battling vampires in The Lost Boys. Little did we know that the duo who would bring us such classics as The Lost Boys, Dream a Little Dream and License to Drive would also bring us tabloid headlines about drug addiction, rehab, and general career immolation. Ann and Nancy Wilson proved that all they needed to stage a major comeback were a couple of leather corsets, a few catchy power ballads, and a tanker full of aquanet. And on Cheers, Sam Malone said good-bye to Diane and hello to Rebecca.

Years before the Spice Girls - girl power ruled in 1987. Tiffany and Debbie Gibson dominated America's malls and pop radio. And on the big screen in Dirty Dancing, Jennifer Grey went to the Catskills, fell in love with Patrick Swayze, learned the Mambo, and discovered that no one could put her in a corner!

Ah, if only you could go back to 87 - the smell of bleach from your newly acid washed jeans was in the air, U2, Lisa Lisa, and R.E.M. were playing on your disc-man, and the year's biggest sex symbol was a bull-terrier who had a drinking problem and a way with the ladies. Good times.

THE YEAR 1986

In a previous post I spoke about my reunion. It got me thinking about my life during that time. I wish I could go back. Alas, I can't, all I can do is to remember it and cherish it with all of my heart. My Mother, Barbara, was still alive. My Dad, James was working at Champion Papers in Pasadena and not sitting in a nursing home. I was in High School at Sam Rayburn in Pasadena having the best years of my life and did not even realize it. The following posts are a time line of those years, this paragraph will be at the beginning of each:

1986 was a year of breaking out, and breaking the rules. From a triumvirate of rebellious teens taking a day off to a hairy cat-eating alien taking over a family's garage, there were plenty of rules that were broken in `86. And as far as break-outs go, there was a wheel-spinning game show hottie, an Australian with a rather large knife, and - of course - a teddy bear with a tape deck for a stomach. How futuristic!

When Ferris Bueller took his now-infamous day off, we all followed, and spent it at the local movie theater. Bueller became a huge hit, and helped launch Matthew Broderick into the land of superstardom. Another star who broke out was a beautiful blonde named Vanna White, who could turn letters on Wheel of Fortune like nobody's business.

Another breakout of '86 was the unusual collaboration between rock and rap stars, as Aerosmith and Run DMC knocked down walls - literally and figuratively - in their hit Walk This Way. And while Steven Tyler was gyrating with Run, a whole new craze began across the country. The Bangles - along with thousands of music listeners - walked like Egyptians.

The Mets broke out of the shadow of their cross-town rivals as they won their first championship since the 60s, in one of the most memorable World Series of all time. Robert Palmer broke just about every feminist rule in the book, as he placed a group of sexy, similar-looking women behind him in his famous video Addicted to Love. Swatch Watches also broke out in '86, and would eventually become a true 80s icon.

Paul Hogan broke out as an international star with Crocodile Dundee, and the rules of politics were broken when Clint Eastwood brought his scowl to Carmel, CA, where he was elected Mayor. Our hearts were broken when the Challenger exploded on live TV, bringing a nation to tears. And lest we forget Oprah Winfrey, breaking out as a superstar and breaking the mold of television forever.

ALF broke the rules on more than one occasion in the Tanners' garage, and broke out as a huge star. And while he wasn't as funny or mobile, Teddy Ruxpin broke out as a teddy bear with a heart of gold and a stomach of tape decks. The Cosby Show broke into a gigantic hit, and Janet Jackson broke from the label of "Michael's little sister" to become a mega-star in her own right.

A group of kids broke the rules when they went looking for a dead body in Stand By Me while Tom Cruise's Maverick had the need for speed and broke out of his father's shadow in Top Gun. Cruise, Anthony Edwards, and Val Kilmer also broke women's hearts across the globe with a shirtless volleyball game for the ages.

From films to television to the news, 1986 broke through with an attitude. From unforgettable breakouts to rebellious rule-breakers, it is a year that is not easily forgotten.

THE YEAR 1985

In a previous post I spoke about my reunion. It got me thinking about my life during that time. I wish I could go back. Alas, I can't, all I can do is to remember it and cherish it with all of my heart. My Mother, Barbara, was still alive. My Dad, James was working at Champion Papers in Pasadena and not sitting in a nursing home. I was in High School at Sam Rayburn in Pasadena having the best years of my life and did not even realize it. The following posts are a time line of those years, this paragraph will be at the beginning of each:

You really can't even begin to discuss the year 1985 without the Brat Pack. Demi, Andrew, Rob, Emilio, Judd, Anthony Michael, Molly, Ally. I could go on all day. Oh wait, there's one more brat packer, the chick from St Elmo's Fire who ate the PB&J with Rob Lowe. and then he bangs her. Don't you remember? She loved it! It must have been the saxophone that got her all worked up.

1985 single handedly put a hole in the ozone layer. Hair was big- the bigger the better.and men were wearing makeup. Thanks to Vince Neil & Nikki Sixx, Aquanet & black eyeliner were a grocery list staple. Speaking of Motley Crue, their video "Home Sweet Home" paid tribute to wild groupies way before Kid Rock did. You can almost see that one girl's boobs before they cut away. Damn.

"You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, the facts of life." Too bad George Clooney never showed Tootie the facts of life. That I'd like to see. And was I the only one that realized Jo wasn't a tomboy, she was a lesbian! Groundbreaking television, people. Also on TV back in 1985, everyone's favorite secret agent: McGyver. Every week McGyver saved the world from some maniacal tyrant, but he took the high road and refused to carry a gun. However, he could make an atom bomb out of a post-it note and two paperclips. Richard Dean Anderson was hot, too. Wasn't he? Oh wait, that's Pam Anderson. You'll have to watch 1989 for her.

Dr. Rosenpenis himself, Chevy Chase, had a hit on his hands with "Fletch." "Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo." He was actually kinda sexy back then. Way before that whole talk show debacle. I mean it. Come on, throw me a freakin' bone here.

You think Beanie Babies are cute? They've got nothing on Pound Puppies. Pound Puppies were the #1 selling toy of the year, thanks to all that yuppie cash. "Pound puppies, you're my one and only puppy love..." We also spent our money on a little doll for boys, named "My Buddy." Very un-pc. But the commercial you just couldn't get out of your head. Walking down the street singing "My Bud-dy, My Bud-dy..." you see, the inflection kinda goes down on the second "Buddy" - oh, whatever.

What was Eddie Murphy thinking when he sang "Party All The Time"? Was he trying to follow in Don Johnson's footsteps? You know that whole tv-star-turned-singer thing? Who knows, but it was silly. Not as silly as Pluto Nash, but hey, you know what else was silly? "The Superbowl Shuffle" with The Bears. Excuse me, Mr. "Punky QB"? What the hell are you doing? You can't sing. Please, grab The Fridge and hit the showers.

What if you could go Back To The Future like Marty McFly? Would you date your mom like he did? Maybe if your mom was as hot as Lea Thompson. Time travel never looked so good as that Delorean going 88 miles an hour. Don't even get me started on the flux capacitor. That thing was freakin' awesome. And long before he kicked David Letterman in the face, Crispin Glover made his movie debut. What a freak.

Finally, everybody's favorite everyman, John Cusack. Sigh. Now this guy didn't just land on the scene with a boombox blaring "In Your Eyes." He started off slowly, and somewhat awkwardly, with "Better Off Dead," and my all time personal favorite movie, "The Sure Thing." You got Anthony Edwards, Daphne Zuniga, and that woman who does the voiceovers for Hidden Valley Ranch dressing as a college professor. What's bad? Oh, and who didn't shotgun a beer or two way back when? Good times, people. Good times.

THE YEAR 1984

In a previous post I spoke about my reunion. It got me thinking about my life during that time. I wish I could go back. Alas, I can't, all I can do is to remember it and cherish it with all of my heart. My Mother, Barbara, was still alive. My Dad, James was working at Champion Papers in Pasadena and not sitting in a nursing home. I was in High School at Sam Rayburn in Pasadena having the best years of my life and did not even realize it. The following posts are a time line of those years, this paragraph will be at the beginning of each:

So..."Where's the beef?" In 1984. Arguably the greatest pop culture year of the decade, and maybe ever! From Film, to TV, to Music, 1984 delivered. Not only did it introduce us to some of music's most enduring artists (Madonna & Prince), but a few endearing one hit wonders (Corey Hart ring a bell?) as well as some surprise classics (Footloose, Miami Vice, "Girls Just Want To Have Fun").

1984 is more than meets the eye: Transformers, The Terminator, Day-Glo and Glo worms. It is Mary Lou Retton on the Wheaties box. The year when Bruce Springsteen pulled a teenage Courtney Cox from the audience and thrust her into mainstream stardom. Whether it was Michael Jackson's hair catching fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial, or Ralph Macchio learning Karate by washing cars, 1984 has provided us with enough 80's nostalgia to fill a week of programming. But, I Love the 80's 1984 will do it in one irreverent hour!

Our six "panelists" will approach the year from a fresh perspective, giving us insights into some pressing issues of the time:

Would Punky Brewster have been a hit show if she had a different name? Would she have been less irritating?

Exactly who or what is "the worm"? A. Huey Lewis' most famous appendage B. A character from Ghostbusters C. A break dance move

George Michael in Day-Glo: Why was there any question?

1984 will be widely remembered as a choice year for film and music. I Love the 80's 1984 will highlight the most popular films (Ghostbusters, Karate Kid, Footloose), as well as those that weren't smash hits at the box office, but have emerged as cult classics (This Is Spinal Tap, Sixteen Candles).

Meanwhile, in music. quintessential 80's acts like Huey Lewis and the News, Cyndi Lauper and Wham provided a strangely varied soundtrack for the year, while Van Halen began an assault on the mainstream.

1984 also provided a handful of 80's fashion mainstays. Groups like Wham and Frankie Goes To Hollywood made the message T Shirt ("Frankie says Relax") way cool, while Don Johnson had Crocket-wannabes everywhere dressing in pink T-Shirts, suit jackets and loafers without socks. Madonna created her own fashion for a new generation of crazed teen girls, while their older sisters were obsessed with Guess Jeans and Stonewash denim. I Love the 80's 1984 will explore these trends in all their glory (and insanity).

Televison was also at it's campy best in 1984. Sitcoms like Punky Brewster and Webster gave us child stars whose exploits continue to intrigue us well into adulthood (i.e. Soleil Moon Frye had a breast reduction in 1993). And, an hour-long drama about two undercover vice cops in South Beach (Miami Vice) made heartthrobs out of Don Johnson and Phillip Michael Thomas.

Does Freddy Krueger continue to give you nightmares? Do you still cry when Lionel Ritchie says "Hello" (be they tears of sadness or laughter)? Is Boy George still your guilty pleasure? Do you still wonder how a toy plane that becomes a robot (Transformers) generated XX billion dollars in a year? If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, then chances are you're an `84 pop culture junkie. And, I Love the 80's 1984 is your ultimate fix.

THE YEAR 1983

In a previous post I spoke about my reunion. It got me thinking about my life during that time. I wish I could go back. Alas, I can't, all I can do is to remember it and cherish it with all of my heart. My Mother, Barbara, was still alive. My Dad, James was working at Champion Papers in Pasadena and not sitting in a nursing home. I was in High School at Sam Rayburn in Pasadena having the best years of my life and did not even realize it. The following posts are a time line of those years, this paragraph will be at the beginning of each:

The "like, totally gnarly". I mean "tubular" year that let us know that Michael Jackson was "not like other guys" introduced us to Tony Montana's (Al Pacino) "little friend" finally let us know that it was ok to be black and Miss America but not ok to get naked for Bob Guccione at the same time. There were those who just had to "adopt" the latest dolly.those who begged us to "Just Say No" and those who simply wanted to be "gagged with a spoon". 1983 also helped us to finally bury the disco, I mean Travolta's Stayin' Alive was the coffin's final nail.No? Disco R.I.P. We made fun of the preppie, gave up the 3D movie, cross-dressed on TV, started falling for Madonna.and her publicity stunts, and all the while we had the pleasure of looking down the road to what some thought might be the future according to George Orwell, 1984.

The flicks well, we have The Outsiders with a studded little cast that included a few that managed to stick around for a while.Matt Dillon, Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, Diane Lane, and of course Tom Cruise.who later that same year would be asked to kindly "get off the babysitter" in Risky Business. Eddie Murphy and Dan Akroyd did a little insider trading all in the name of revenge in Trading Places. The Monty Python questioned the Meaning of Life. Chevy Chase's Clark Griswold took his family on Vacation, and he may just have inspired the coming of Homer Simpson.on that note, it was Tony Montana, aka. Scarface, who taught us how to really shoot people, snort mountains of coke, and say the "F" word 204 times in 90 minutes drugs, guns, and money, oh yeah. But it was Jennifer Beals who Flash Danced her way into the hearts of millions of young would-be dancers. It must have been "More Than A Feeling" because suddenly it seemed that everybody had to have the leg warmers, the headband, the torn sweatshirt. Despite all this, however, it was Terms Of Endearment that went home with the Oscar. By the way, Jack Nicholson still rules.

The tunes.oh the tunes. Where do we start? There are the obvious records: Thriller, Pyromania, Karma Chameleon, 1999, Synchronicity, Rio by the big stars of the day. But there was also a little record called War by U2, a little bit bigger record called Cargo by Men At Work, and an even bigger record called IV by Toto. But then there were the one-hit wonders - Men Without Hats, Kajagoogoo, Eddy Grant, Bonnie Tyler, Dexys Midnight Runners. There was rock, pop, new wave, crap but it was all part of the soundtrack to 1983 and we love to hear it now even if we hated it back then.

But let's not forget the things we could buy at the time. We were finally treated to the digital age according to SONY.CDs were introduced and vinyl all but went away.after all CDs were small, cool, and shiny. Camcorders also came of age so that people could finally start documenting all the interesting moments of their lives birthdays, weddings, graduations, airplane crashes, babysitters shaking the baby, etc. You just know that Bob Saget could not wait. Oh and let's not forget those crazy people who waited in lines to buy.uh adopt.the Cabbage Patch Kid. I mean what the? And speaking of inane.what about the Hacky Sack. Please. However, everybody loved those sticky soft rubber octopuses aptly known as Wacky Wall Walkers. Hours and hours of endless fun.

T.V.? You've got your Knight Rider, A-Team, Diff'rent Strokes, and The Day After, and we're not talking about a one-night stand. This was the made-for-TV movie about the happy topic of a post-nuclear holocaust world. Advertisers didn't advertise. People flocked to their TVs by the millions. And President Reagan provided the post-show commentary reassuring America that "it was not real." One show Reagan did like, however, was Family Ties. Alex P. Keaton was an unwitting spokesman for the Republican youth.what's not to like? Nancy Reagan, on the other hand, was all about making sure that Arnold and Willis just said no "whachu talkin' `bout Nancy?" There was the Cold War, the beginnings of the war on drugs, the talking cars, and crime fighting criminals, all this and more. So what about the kids? Well we had He-Man and the power of Greyskull, we had Rainbow Brite we had Alvin and the Chipmunks. They all came to feed the imaginations and enrich the fantasy lives of the junior set thereby priming them for the second coming of the computer age and all of it's hand held splendor.

Nothing was the same after 1983. Madonna was here to stay, the compact disc began it world-wide domination, the internet was on its way to truly becoming a household name, if not just a really good place to entertain oneself, Luke Skywalker became a Jedi Knight.and the average attention span of the average human being got that much shorter.

Remember When 1983 - 1987

In my last post I spoke about my reunion. It got me thinking about my life during that time. I wish I could go back. Alas, I can't, all I can do is to remember it and charish it with all of my heart. My Mother, Barbara, was still alive. My Dad, James was working at Champion Papers in Pasadena and not sitting in a nursing home. I was in High School at Sam Rayburn in Pasadena having the best years of my life and did not even realize it. The following posts are a time line of those years:

Remembering When.....

I just found out a few days ago that my High School 20 year reunion is this year and very close. Over the last few days I have realized that I have thus far, failed in achieving my dreams that I once had. I have not done what I have wanted to do in my life and I am saddened by this. So, I vow from this point forward in my time I will set out to accomplish what I wanted to do the day I graduated from school. I will write the next great americian novel. I will achieve my 15 plus minutes of fame.

"Every great work, every great accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement." Florence Scovel Shinn

Blog of Revelation: Dangers Of A Nuclear Strike

Blog of Revelation: Dangers Of A Nuclear Strike

What do you learn from your life?

“It is only after a fair portion of one's life that one really knows what are the things that matter, the things that will remain until the end.”

What do you get from the above statement? I believe that we as human beings have the innate ability to learn. The problem that we have is that we tend to look past our life experiences as they happen. It is not until we are half way through our life that we begin to realize the mistakes and the accomplishments we have made and then begin to learn from them. Just think, how would our lives be if we learned as we went along in life? We as a society need to slow down and realize that we learn something new every day until the day that we die. We have so many things that we can share with one another but don't. The next time you make eye contact with someone talk to them and realize that you both have something to share with each other. Slow down and think about the days events a learn from them. We owe it to ourselves and to each other.

My 10 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship (What I Hope For)

This is what I wish and feel a relationship should be like. We have lost site of what it is to be together, myself included, and we have all made mistakes. The key is to move on and to fix the issues that we have in ourselves as individuals and then to help our spouse do the same. The other part of the key is that your spouse must want the same things. I think if we could all learn the following basic concepts we would be happier in our lives with each other and ourselves.

KINDNESS

Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION

Do you and your spouse well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

LAUGHTER AND FUN

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART

Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?

Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?

Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

LETTING GO OF ANGER

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.

TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?

SEXUALITY

Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you? Do either of you have to ask or feel guilty about it when it does happen?

FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?

While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.

This Got Me - NYT -An Appreciation From Father to Son, Last Words to Live By

By DANA CANEDY
Published: January 1, 2007

He drew pictures of himself with angel wings. He left a set of his dog tags on a nightstand in my Manhattan apartment. He bought a tiny blue sweat suit for our baby to wear home from the hospital.

Then he began to write what would become a 200-page journal for our son, in case he did not make it back from the desert in Iraq.

For months before my fiancé, First Sgt. Charles Monroe King, kissed my swollen stomach and said goodbye, he had been preparing for the beginning of the life we had created and for the end of his own.

He boarded a plane in December 2005 with two missions, really — to lead his young soldiers in combat and to prepare our boy for a life without him.

Dear son, Charles wrote on the last page of the journal, “I hope this book is somewhat helpful to you. Please forgive me for the poor handwriting and grammar. I tried to finish this book before I was deployed to Iraq. It has to be something special to you. I’ve been writing it in the states, Kuwait and Iraq.

The journal will have to speak for Charles now. He was killed Oct. 14 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his armored vehicle in Baghdad. Charles, 48, had been assigned to the Army’s First Battalion, 67th Armored Regiment, Fourth Infantry Division, based in Fort Hood, Tex. He was a month from completing his tour of duty.

For our son’s first Christmas, Charles had hoped to take him on a carriage ride through Central Park. Instead, Jordan, now 9 months old, and I snuggled under a blanket in a horse-drawn buggy. The driver seemed puzzled about why I was riding alone with a baby and crying on Christmas Day. I told him.

“No charge,” he said at the end of the ride, an act of kindness in a city that can magnify loneliness.

On paper, Charles revealed himself in a way he rarely did in person. He thought hard about what to say to a son who would have no memory of him. Even if Jordan will never hear the cadence of his father’s voice, he will know the wisdom of his words.

Never be ashamed to cry. No man is too good to get on his knee and humble himself to God. Follow your heart and look for the strength of a woman.

Charles tried to anticipate questions in the years to come. Favorite team? I am a diehard Cleveland Browns fan. Favorite meal? Chicken, fried or baked, candied yams, collard greens and cornbread. Childhood chores? Shoveling snow and cutting grass. First kiss? Eighth grade.

In neat block letters, he wrote about faith and failure, heartache and hope. He offered tips on how to behave on a date and where to hide money on vacation. Rainy days have their pleasures, he noted: Every now and then you get lucky and catch a rainbow.

Charles mailed the book to me in July, after one of his soldiers was killed and he had recovered the body from a tank. The journal was incomplete, but the horror of the young man’s death shook Charles so deeply that he wanted to send it even though he had more to say. He finished it when he came home on a two-week leave in August to meet Jordan, then 5 months old. He was so intoxicated by love for his son that he barely slept, instead keeping vigil over the baby.

I can fill in some of the blanks left for Jordan about his father. When we met in my hometown of Radcliff, Ky., near Fort Knox, I did not consider Charles my type at first. He was bashful, a homebody and got his news from television rather than newspapers (heresy, since I’m a New York Times editor).

But he won me over. One day a couple of years ago, I pulled out a list of the traits I wanted in a husband and realized that Charles had almost all of them. He rose early to begin each day with prayers and a list of goals that he ticked off as he accomplished them. He was meticulous, even insisting on doing my ironing because he deemed my wrinkle-removing skills deficient. His rock-hard warrior’s body made him appear tough, but he had a tender heart.

He doted on Christina, now 16, his daughter from a marriage that ended in divorce. He made her blush when he showed her a tattoo with her name on his arm. Toward women, he displayed an old-fashioned chivalry, something he expected of our son. Remember who taught you to speak, to walk and to be a gentleman, he wrote to Jordan in his journal. These are your first teachers, my little prince. Protect them, embrace them and always treat them like a queen.

Though as a black man he sometimes felt the sting of discrimination, Charles betrayed no bitterness. It’s not fair to judge someone by the color of their skin, where they’re raised or their religious beliefs, he wrote. Appreciate people for who they are and learn from their differences.

He had his faults, of course. Charles could be moody, easily wounded and infuriatingly quiet, especially during an argument. And at times, I felt, he put the military ahead of family.

He had enlisted in 1987, drawn by the discipline and challenges. Charles had other options — he was a gifted artist who had trained at the Art Institute of Chicago — but felt fulfilled as a soldier, something I respected but never really understood. He had a chest full of medals and a fierce devotion to his men.

He taught the youngest, barely out of high school, to balance their checkbooks, counseled them about girlfriends and sometimes bailed them out of jail. When he was home in August, I had a baby shower for him. One guest recently reminded me that he had spent much of the evening worrying about his troops back in Iraq.

Charles knew the perils of war. During the months before he went away and the days he returned on leave, we talked often about what might happen. In his journal, he wrote about the loss of fellow soldiers. Still, I could not bear to answer when Charles turned to me one day and asked, “You don’t think I’m coming back, do you?” We never said aloud that the fear that he might not return was why we decided to have a child before we planned a wedding, rather than risk never having the chance.

But Charles missed Jordan’s birth because he refused to take a leave from Iraq until all of his soldiers had gone home first, a decision that hurt me at first. And he volunteered for the mission on which he died, a military official told his sister, Gail T. King. Although he was not required to join the resupply convoy in Baghdad, he believed that his soldiers needed someone experienced with them. “He would say, ‘My boys are out there, I’ve got to go check on my boys,’ ” said First Sgt. Arenteanis A. Jenkins, Charles’s roommate in Iraq.

In my grief, that decision haunts me. Charles’s father faults himself for not begging his son to avoid taking unnecessary risks. But he acknowledges that it would not have made a difference. “He was a born leader,” said his father, Charlie J. King. “And he believed what he was doing was right.”

Back in April, after a roadside bombing remarkably similar to that which would claim him, Charles wrote about death and duty.

The 18th was a long, solemn night, he wrote in Jordan’s journal. We had a memorial for two soldiers who were killed by an improvised explosive device. None of my soldiers went to the memorial. Their excuse was that they didn’t want to go because it was depressing. I told them it was selfish of them not to pay their respects to two men who were selfless in giving their lives for their country.

Things may not always be easy or pleasant for you, that’s life, but always pay your respects for the way people lived and what they stood for. It’s the honorable thing to do.

When Jordan is old enough to ask how his father died, I will tell him of Charles’s courage and assure him of Charles’s love. And I will try to comfort him with his father’s words.

God blessed me above all I could imagine, Charles wrote in the journal. I have no regrets, serving your country is great.

He had tucked a message to me in the front of Jordan’s journal. This is the letter every soldier should write, he said. For us, life will move on through Jordan. He will be an extension of us and hopefully everything that we stand for. ... I would like to see him grow up to be a man, but only God knows what the future holds.

Random Writing

Why must we have ciaos in our lives. Why must we fight with one another. Can we not remember the good times in our lives rather than the bad. I know that there are more good. It is almost like we strive to fight when we could use that same energy to be good to each other and to forgive. We need to try to get along and make our lives better together not because one says we must but because it is the way it should be. We love one another, show it both physically and emotionally. Just say that I love you and I will do the same and we will hopefully want to be with each other more than the other. I will be there when you need me as I hope that you will be for me. I care about what you have to say as I hope that you will me. When you are hurt I will be ther to make it better.

Sadaam Husain Video

For those of you that are interested here is the last minutes of Sadaam Husain.

NO-SMOKING UPDATE

OK. This is just an update. I have gone 1 day, 5 hours, 37 seconds smoke free. 36 cigarettes not smoked. $11.37 and 6 hours of my life saved. I have had a rough spot here and ther but still no cigarettes. I will update as I can.

OK....I have Quit Smoking!!!!

As of 10:00 last night I have beenquit 1 day. $4.56 and 4 hours of my life saved! This is according to Quitnet. I will continue to post my progress as the days and weeks go by. Today I woke up about 0800 and wanted a cigarette really bad. I did not have one. I popped a losange and went back to bed. That was a mistake. I slept until time to go to work. My wife is thinking I am looking at her funny but she forgets that I am quitting smoking like she did years ago. I haven't felt right all day.